Be in the Stance Vs Being in Playground

Good morning Toastmaster and fellow members and Guests. 

Next 7 minutes, I am going to share with you three things

My personal experiences with worry.

What is worry  based on the research I did on Worry &

Finally I want to share a “secret” or “mantra” to overcome worry. This secret worked for me and I am sure it will work for you.

Why to talk about worry? As per Survey done by mental health of America, one third of people are depressed due to worry and anxiety. And these people spend around 50minutes to 90 minutes per day just worrying. That is almost 28 days per year spent just worrying.

So, first, my personal stories on worry

I worry on everything. I do not need a reason to worry. If there is nothing is there to worry, then I worry why I have nothing to worry, am I useless not to have worry!

If I plan for Vacation, One week before the trip, I start worrying, how the journey going to be, will the kids like there? Would we get Indian food for the kids, are the rides are maintained properly in the park etc.

So, this is before travelling. When I was in Disneyworld, I was actually worried about back here, about the work. What is happening on that project, which meeting I missed etc?

So, when I was in work, I was worrying about Vacation and when I was in Vacation, I was worrying about work here in NJ. While my kids were in holiday mood there, I was not able to, as I was in ‘work mode’. So I could not do justice to my family time. This is only a simple example of, how I find innovative ways to worry.I realized how much dent it is causing in my both personal and professional life.

So, I decided to get to the bottom of this and see, what is really causing the worry.I read this book, by Dale Carnegie, “How to stop worrying and start living”That’s when I came across ‘Landmark forum”.How many of you know what landmark forum is?

It is a company which focuses on life coaching.

I cannot trademark my Secret, as it is a combined value from Dale carnage and landmark forum.

Before sharing the secret, let’s discuss few minutes on anatomy of worry based on my research.

What is worry? “A state of anxiety and uncertainty over potential problems.”

There is a difference between Fear and worry. Fear is about one specific thing.  Example, I fear about a spider on the wall. But worry is unbounded.

We know the source for Fear, but worry, is like unknown source, so it is repetitive and unproductive.

If you really see, worry is always about some event that is going to happen in the future or an even that happened in the past.

It is never about Present. . Yes, it is never about present.

We always worry about something which is not present.

Now be ready, I am going to share the “secret” with you all. You have to be in a state of mind to receive it.

Consider all of us are in the NYC MetLife stadium.

Are you all with me? We are not here in Middletown; we are all in this beautiful MetLife stadium. There is a match going on between NYC Giants and Detroit Lions.

There are lots of people here around us and ome nice music in the background.

If you see around, there are two types of people here.

Can you tell me, all the people around here, can be classified into two categories, can you attempt?

“The players” in the court and the spectators in the stadium?

With me?

We have two categories, the players in the court, who are busy playing, and the spectators in the stadium busy enjoying the play.

Look closely at the spectators, what are they doing?

What are they doing?

Yes, someone is drinking a large Mocha, someone with popcorn etc. What are they thinking?

Let us go near closely one of the spectator and read his mind voice. Assume we have a new device which can read mind voice.

“Damnit, he should have played well, he should have passed the ball.

“I am really worried where this match is going”.

" I will be late today also to Dinner, my wife is going to shout at me"

Most of the spectators are in similar mood, either yelling at the players or appreciating the players or worrying about the match or thinking about something outside the game in their life. Since the spectators cannot influence the game, all they do is yell or shout.

Let us go near a player, to see his mind voice.

Oops. Sorry, we could not hear his mind voice, as he is busy playing and moving from place to place, we cannot put the mind voice near him.

Let us try one more time. Yes, this time, I could hear one voice.

“Pass the ball” – that’s it. This is mind voice.

Wait a minute, the spectators in the stadium had all the time in the world to think/worry about so many things, but the players, all they can say is “pass the ball”.

Now, assume that, the basketball play is our life and all the players and spectator is people in our life. The spectators had no influence on the game other than worrying/yelling about the game.

If that play is our life, what role you want to play.  Player in the court or the spectator in the life?

Do we really want to be a spectator to our own life?

So whenever we are worrying about something, actually we are not in the court actively playing, but we are in the stadium thinking about our life.

Because if you in the court, you can influence the game, that is your life.

This is the secret. Be in the court!

 TO summarize,

To live a worry free life, be in court always. Whenever you see yourself worrying about something, be aware immediately that you are not in court anymore and you are in stadium.

The secret is to immediately get out of the stadium and join other players in court.

What does it mean?

It means, do some action, do something, which will relieve you from the worry.

Once you are in Court, then you need to act. Let us see, what does it mean, and how to act?

First step is to accept that thought which is causing the worry.

Most of the times, we circumvent the thought which is giving the worry. Since it is not giving a nice feeling we try to ignore /circumvent the thought. The more you ignore, the more aggressive the worry becomes.

Assume if that is going to happen and find your options.

Once you know the option, just Act...

In my example of Disney, I could have planned a little bit about the food and other things for my kids.

Also, I could have planned, and identified right backup for me at work back here, so that, I do not need to worry.

So, Be in Court! be present and be worry free.